


If there's noone beside you (when your soul embarks)

by xxxintothedarknessxxx



Category: Bandom, Breaking Pangaea (Band)
Genre: Drabble, Gen, Male-Female Friendship, One Shot, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 08:03:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11203836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxxintothedarknessxxx/pseuds/xxxintothedarknessxxx
Summary: Will's on tour with fun. when he gets a call that throws his world into a spin.Characters:Will Noon (fun., Straylight Run)Emily Moore (fun.)Fred Mascherino (The Color Fred, Breaking Pangaea)Nate Harold (fun.)





	If there's noone beside you (when your soul embarks)

Fred is his best friend. Neither of them were supposed to go out this way. They'd made some childish pact at 17 that they would live forever or go out in a blaze of glory trying. But sadly, it wasn't to be. 

Will got the call in mid-December. It was their last show before they broke for the year, and if the drums were played a little harder that night, no-one said anything. They only knew there was some bad news, and nobody had been game enough to ask. 

He had a show to play, and then he could go back to Philly and house-sit for his parents, as agreed, and maybe (if he got up the courage) go see Fred. He could admit he was terrified to see his oldest friend, if not only out of fear of bursting into tears. 

So that was how he found himself a few days later, alone at his parent's, thinking about going, but not moving from the couch. Nattie had offered to come support him when Will told him what was happening, but he'd talked him out of it, saying he could handle this, and he needed to do it alone. He shouldn't have been surprised at the ringing of the doorbell that afternoon.  
'I told you not to come.' He said as he swung open the door.  
'You didn't. Nattie did. I take it he didn't pass on my message then?' It's Emily.  
'What message?'  
'I told him to tell you I'm thinking of you, and I'm here if you need anything.' He hugs her, suddenly very glad to not be alone anymore. They didn't say anything else though. There was nothing to say. 'Sorry that someone you love is dying' would never cut it, and really, that's what it came down to. Heart failure. In a guy who didn't drink, smoke, or eat red meat. What a joke. But Will didn't feel like laughing. 

For three days she drove him to the hospital and sat with him while they didn't go up to Fred's room. They said nothing the whole time except for when Emily told him there was only half an hour of visiting time left, so it was now or never. That was usually when they left. 

'Will, are we going today?' She'd been fielding calls for him, and a couple had been from Fred's parents. It wasn't as though she could tell them the truth, exactly, 'Of course Will's coming to see him, he just can't get past the lift to his floor.'  
'Yeah.'  
'Are you going to go in?' Will said nothing. She put a hand on his shoulder and sat down beside him at the kitchen table where he was pretending to eat a protein bar. 'His parents called this morning. They're beginning to wonder where you are. I don't know what to tell them.'  
'The truth.'  
'You don't have to see him,' Emily said gently, 'but I'm worried you'll regret it if you don't.'  
'I know.'

They go that day anyway. Emily takes his hands and brings him into the lift. If they can just get to his floor, that's an improvement over yesterday. When the doors open on level 4, it smells like anti-septic, bleach, and a whole lot of air freshener. Chemical and sterile. Noisy too, with all the machines. Not exactly a peaceful place to die. She pulls him out of the lift, and into the waiting room by bed 6 of Ward B. Fred's family is there. 

Emily is introduced, hugged for looking after him for them at a time like this, and then Will's told he can go in. Emily squeezes his hand, says she's right here if he needs her, and sends him in alone.  
'Freddie, you're breaking the pact, man.' Will jokes, but they can hear the way his voice cracks.  
'Oh the pact! Sorry, Willie, I guess I am.' The door shuts then, and a couple hours later, Will emerges, eyes a little red.  
'He's asking for you again.' He says to Fred's parents, before he sits on the couch in the corner with Emily. She squeezes his hand again and says nothing, knowing there's nothing to say. His lips brush her cheek, 'Thanks'.

It's his turn again soon, and Emily offers to do a snack run 'Magazines, coffee, anything?' He shakes his head but Fred's parents take her up on the coffee. It's a few days before they take the afternoon off on Emily's promise that Fred won't be alone if they need the time to get things done after watching them spend the morning on the phone, sorting things out like bills and leases, and some other end-of-life details, like funeral costs and flowers.

She's surprised when Will comes out not long after they've left and says he's asking for someone. She looks up from her book.  
'They took some time to sort stuff out.'  
'He wants you.' Will said. She follows him silently. She's never met Fred, and now, under these circumstances...it's not the ideal time, but it's the only time, so.

'Hi.' She lifts her hand in an awkward wave.  
'So you're the one that made Willie get his ass up to see me.'  
'Uh, no, he walked in here on his own.' It’s a weak attempt the cover. She doesn’t want to lie to a dying man.  
'With a gentle push from you, he tells it. Thanks for that, I was beginning to wonder.'  
'I'm Emily.' She pumps some sanitizer from the bottle by the door and sticks her hand out to shake. Normally, this is where she'd say 'Nice to meet you', but...  
'Nice to meet you, shame about the circumstances. I'm Fred.' He shook her hand all business like and she tried to pretend it didn't feel like he'd broken her bones, her smile just a little too forced.

'Ha! I like this one already, she's tougher than the last one...what was it? Stacey the Stripper?'  
'That wasn't her name.' Will argues good-naturedly. He also doesn't point out that she isn't a 'this one', she's an Emily, and they're 100 % not the same thing. It's not in Freddie's nature to listen to that, anyway.  
'Well, she was a stripper. Did Willie ever tell you that story?' He's turned now to Emily.  
'Uh, I think so. Not the finer details, but I have a feeling I'd rather not know.' They sit down in the hard plastic chairs by the bed and they talked all afternoon, the guys swapping stories and sharing them with Emily, everything from high school to Breaking Pangaea through to last year's hiking trip. There were more afternoons just like it in the coming weeks. 

Its two days into the New Year, on a day just like that one. Fred's lost color and he's breathing a little shallower, but nobody mentions it because what good would it do just to point out that he's dying a little faster than last night? Fred's telling the story of some weeks in 2003 where he was learning the music of Taking Back Sunday at Will's place while Will's new band (the guys from TBS, one of whom he was replacing) were writing songs in the basement for Straylight Run.  
'That must have been awkward.' She sympathizes.  
'Yeah, and John came upstairs to correct me once, I thought Willie was going to have a coronary...bad joke?'  
'Maybe a little.' Will says. Emily stands up.  
'I'm going on a supply run. Magazines, coffee, snacks. Anything else?'  
'No, no drink for me though.' Will adds. She takes her time gathering supplies from the gift store down stairs. 

When she gets back, she overhears Freddie giving Will stick about bringing his date to a hospital.  
'No, it's not like that. I mean, I love her, but not like that.'  
'You do. I know that face, Willie. It's your 'she's out of my league but God I want her anyway' face.'  
'It's got nothing to do with her. Trust me.'  
'So there IS someone then?' She could hear the smile in Fred's voice.  
'Yes, but they're committed with a house and a dog.' She relaxed by the door then. She knew of the flame he was holding out for the one he could never have, the one he was keeping at arm’s length because it’s just too much pain right now; but for a moment, she had panicked to hear Fred be so certain. If anyone knew Will, it was him.  
'Knock, knock. Guess who's back?'  
'Back again, Shady's back, back again. Em, Eminem, get it?' Fred jokes.  
'I got it. Got your magazines too, and your coffee.' She sets both down on the table in front of him. 

Will changes his mind about a drink and goes out in search of tea. While he's gone, Fred rasps out a request.  
'Look, I know I'm running out the clock here, there's maybe a week left, if I'm lucky, so there's pressure to say yes, but do you think I could ask a favor anyway?'  
'Sure...what is it?'  
'I need you to look after Willie for me.'  
'Of course.'  
'Not like that, I need you to promise. He thinks he doesn't need anyone, but he does. He always has.'  
'I promise. I'll look after him, I swear.'  
'Can you...can you tell him I love him?'  
'I think he'd rather hear that from you.' Just then, Will returns.  
'Hear what?'  
'That's my cue.' She smiles warmly at Fred and walks out into the waiting room. 

It's not the first night Will crawls into bed with her, but it's the first night he's cried. His parents got back today and had no idea. They're going with Will to see Fred tomorrow, which gives Emily the chance to do some laundry and take a breath. Nattie rings, asking after him.  
'He's...I don't know, he's not great, but what can you expect? Truth be told, I think he's just keeping it together.' He asks again if he should come.  
'I'll talk to him, let you know.' As expected, he said no.

Will and Emily's recent habit of going to bed together every night gives his parents the same impression Freddie had. It's an awkward breakfast when they explain that they're just friends. More recently, Fred's had more visitors, guys he's played with mostly, so they don't go across until the evening.  
'Hey, what did he say to you the other day?' Will knows there was something, because he knows Freddie's 'keeping a secret' face if ever he saw it. Emily pulls into a parking space.  
'He was just making sure he did everything he could for you, making sure you're looked after when he's gone.' Fred's dying and he's still worrying about him. He both loved him and was mad at him for that. 

Things changed in the next few days. Emily waited outside more, sometimes with Will, sometimes not. It was clear the clock was ticking a little faster than before, especially once visiting hours were no longer enforced upon Fred's family members, of which they insisted Will counted.

It was late night on the 8th, and his family were home getting some sleep. It had been days for any of them. Emily went to get coffee and brought tea back for Will. She stood in the doorway and watched for a minute. Will was leaning right in, clutching Freddie's hand between his, leaning his cheek on them and letting the tears fall where they may. 

He opened his eyes and saw her standing there. He wiped his cheeks with the back of his hand and reached out to take the tea.  
'Thanks.'  
Emily pulled up the other chair and sat beside him. Will wondered silently what he'd really thought their deaths would be like. Probably crushed in a mosh pit, falling off a cliff, or killed on impact in a high-speed bike collision, but not this. 

Shortly after Emily sat down, maybe an hour or two, to the beeping of machines and nothing else, with no profound, last words of wisdom, Freddie passed. Emily pulled Will out into the hallway as the doctors came in to switch off the machines (now going haywire) and call the time of death.  
'12.11 am, 9th of January 2013.' 

Emily steered Will into a seat in the waiting room and had a nurse call Fred's family. She didn't think that she could do it, and Will was absolutely in shock. She picked up his jacket and wrapped it around his shoulders. There was nothing to do now but wait. His family came, and they cried. They thanked Will for being there and then they excused themselves to fill in the phone book sized pile of paperwork required when someone has died. 

She took Will home and let Nattie know what was going on. He'd be flying over on the 12th, no excuses, for the funeral the next day. Will wouldn't cry until he carried the casket, and had to accept what had happened. There was a part of him that didn't believe it until then. 

Fred was his best friend. Neither of them were supposed to go out this way. They'd made some childish pact at 17 that they would live forever or go out in a blaze of glory trying. But sadly, it wasn't to be.

FIN.


End file.
